A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. 
She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. 
After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead. “Are you sure?”, the distraught woman asked. “He was a great family pet. Isn’t there anything else you can do?” The vet paused for a moment and said, “There is one more thing we can do.” He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. 
The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. 
The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage. “Well, that confirms it.” the vet announced.  “Your dog is dead.” Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, “How much do I owe you?” “That will be £330.” the vet replied. “I don’t believe it!”, screamed the woman.  “What did you do that cost £330????” “Well”, the vet replied, “It’s £30 for the office visit and £300 for the cat scan.” 

A guy goes to a pet store and ask to buy a parrot that can talk...
He said that he needs to have a guarantee that the bird can talk..
So the manager shows him this parrot and guarantees that it can talk
so the man buys the bird... 
He takes the bird home and it does not speak a word... 
He goes back to the shop and explains that the bird is not talking... 
The manager then says he needs to buy a swing for the bird then it will talk... So the man buys the swing it does not talk so he goes back to the shop... 
The manager then says he needs a perch to sit on then it will talk so the man buys the perch for the bird.. 
It still does not talk at all so he goes back to the shop and ask what he can do next... 
The manager says that the bird needs to have a ladder to climb up to the perch and it will climb up and sit down and talk then the man buys the ladder, still the bird does not speak a word goes back and demands his money back. 
He explains that he has bought everything that the store has said that he needs and wants to have all his money back but the manager guarantees that if he buys a mirror the bird will talk.. 
Since the man has tried every thing else he agrees to buy the mirror and if it does not work he will bring the bird back and get his money back... 
Next day he comes back to the store explaining that the bird is now dead it sat in his perch looking into the mirror and died... 
The manager asked him if the bird said ANYTHING before he died and the man said yes and the manager What and the man said that the bird said one word as he was falling to the floor of his cage and that one word was “FOOD”