and God said…………..

GOD said: 'Go down into that valley, '

'What's a valley?' asked Adam, and  God explained it to him.

Then God said: 'Cross the river. '

'What's a river?' asked Adam, and God explained it to him.

Then God said: 'Go over the hill. '

'What's a hill?' asked Adam, and God explained it to him.

Then God told Adam: 'On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave. '

'What's a cave?' asked Adam, and God explained that to him.

'In the cave you will find a woman, ' said God.

'What's a woman?' asked Adam.

So God explained that to him, and said: 'I want you to reproduce. '

'How do I do that?' asked Adam. So God explained.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave, and found the woman.

Five minutes later he was back. God said angrily. 'What is it now?'

And  Adam  said: 'What's a headache?'
 

To technical support

Dear Sirs

 EIGHTEEN months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble.

However, there are apparent conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, i.e. Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 3pm and Playboy 6.9. And successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had lots of bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, Only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all available resources,  it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2004.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and e-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeExcel. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to Try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it frequently crashes.  Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which cannot be turned off. Recently, I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004,  but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004, it tends to delete all money files before  uninstalling itself.

Please advise.

AN OLD woman turns up at an airport with Nell, her black cat, in a box. 'Nell' is clearly written on the box, which is taken to the cargo area. Upon arrival at its destination, the cat is found to be dead. There is panic, but the vet has an unclaimed black cat at his disposal and the new cat is put in Nell's box. 'Don't say anything, ' the vet tells the animal handler. 'She'll never notice. 'The cat is clawing to get out and is making a lot of noise. That's not my cat, ' says the woman. 'Come now, we have just fetched her for you, and she obviously wants to go home, ' says the. handler. 'I tell you, it's not my cat’, repeats the woman, 'and I should know. '

'How can you be so certain?' he asks. 'Because, 'comes the answer from the old woman, ' my Nell was dead. '

LOOKING in a pet shop window, Sam noticed a cage containing a very handsome cat, bearing a notice: 'Genuine Amsterdam Cat. ' Never having  heard of the breed, Sam entered the shop to inquire. 'Can I help you, sir?' asked the salesman. 'I hope so, ' said Sam. 'Can you tell me please,  how Dutch is that moggie in the window?'